


What's In A Name?

by pherryt



Series: Supernatural CODA Collection [14]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 13.18 Coda, Amnesia, Angst, Apocalypse world, Brainwashing, Hopeful Ending, New Allies, Season 13 spoilers, Trapped, commanders POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 15:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14335371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: You either followed Michael's orders or you were punished. It was as simple as that.  The Commander could not allow himself to doubt. Michael's word was law.God would have stepped in by now if it was not.





	What's In A Name?

**Author's Note:**

> This story inspired by these theories. Probably crack. Probably never gonna happen. But it aws too intriguing to pass up (don’t read the links if you don't want spoilers for this fic)
> 
> 1 -[ Who is the Commander? Why doesn't he have a name?](http://lawsontl.tumblr.com/post/172905752203/commander)  
> 2 - [ Where rifts open and why ](https://magnificent-winged-beast.tumblr.com/post/172939882213/thetwistedwillow-a-theory-for-where-rifts-open)
> 
> This is possible to read alone. May also make a part 2. Not sure yet. There was a plot point i hadn’t reached but it doesn’t feel like its necessary here? If i can figure out the right way to reach it, i'll continue this for sure.

  


The Commander stood rigidly before Michael, not daring to look around him. He’d failed in his duty, and it wasn’t the first time. He’d lost count of the number of times he’d been punished over the centuries – though never more so than he had been in the past decade – but he’d never been called to task by _Michael_ before.

Michael had a temper, though it was hidden behind soft words. And he would not take kindly to the Commanders failure to get anything from the human woman before she’d been rescued.

And that wasn’t even counting the rescue itself. Two humans. A mere two humans had wiped out every angel at the Silo except for him.

Other angels had been executed for less.

Truthfully, he didn’t know why he was still alive.

Instead, Michael was staring at him thoughtfully and the Commander knew if he’d been human and not just occupying a vessel, he’d be sweating now.

“Here’s how it’s going to be _, soldier_ ,” Michael spoke finally, circling him, the words deceptively low. He didn’t address him by name. The Commander’s name had been stripped of him for an offense he couldn’t even remember. The name had been stolen from his memory and all he was left with was his position in Michael’s army. “I’m going to take a peek into your mind and see what you’ve seen. See for myself how you let this happen. Then I’m going to judge you, and if I find you wanting…” Michael paused. “Well, I’m sure you know what happens next.”

“Yes, sir,” the Commander answered quickly. Michael stepped in close and his fingers grasped the Commanders head. He stood there, unwavering as the Archangel started rummaging through his mind.

It wasn’t like he had any other choice.

Michael’s word was law, second only to God, and if God had an issue with the way Michael ran things then… he would stop him, right?

Of course he would.

The Commanders doubts were simply his own failings.

And if Michael bulldozed through the Commanders mind roughly enough to make him scream…

It must be God’s will.

* * *

* * *

 

It was a relief when Michael abandoned the Commander at his old post, a mere few hours after he’d fled the disaster it had become. Michael had smirked as he lay the broken Commander in the center of a ring of Holy Fire, lighting it with a snap of his fingers after stepping out of range himself.  All the while, the other soldiers of the garrison had marked up the walls of the Silo with advanced warding, stronger than any the humans had somehow learned.

And then they left the Commander to mercy of whomever would show up.

It was a long week of isolation to a being who could flit anywhere in the cosmos, but he used the time to recover from the damage that had been done him.

His mind whirled with more doubts that refused to be quashed, left in a silence so thick that it left him no way to keep them at bay.

The warding was strong. It not only trapped him there, but it muted his connection to other angels.

He had no idea what was going on. And his thoughts had been turning more and more unpleasant the longer he was stuck here, with no distractions to enable him to more readily ignore the insidious ideas and doubts that plagued him.

Sounds beyond the building caused him to perk up warily. Could be animals – the most likely, of course - or scavengers, the worst of the humans he’d ever seen. Worst case scenario for him was that the rebellion had returned. As an angel, he would not fare any better at their hands then they would by his.

The only other – and least likely possibility – was that Michael had decided this strange punishment was through and would set him free.

His hopes of freedom were summarily dashed when two humans walk in. The shorter one, to his surprise, he recognized. It was one of the two who’d rescued the traitor – a part of his mind whispered that she had a name – and caused this very predicament in a roundabout way. The Commander ignored the whisper as he always did but that had been getting harder and harder to do of late.

He had many regrets and no idea what to do about them.

Instead, the Commander tried to gain the upper hand – the moral high ground - glaring at the human responsible for his current predicament and watching as the man’s eyebrows rose in surprise. His green eyes glinted hard in stark contrast to the almost jovial tone of his words.

“Well lookie here, Sammy, someone’s trussed us up an angel.”

The Commander rose to his full height. “I am an angel of the lord – “ he bit out.

“Yeah, how’s that working out for you?” the short one sneered.

“Dean,” Sammy muttered.

The Commander blinked. Now he could remember why the shorter man looked familiar. “Dean. The human who was here before. The otherworlder Michael is looking for.”

“Well, whaddya know. I’m famous on _two_ worlds now!” Dean’s words were careless, tossed out like they didn’t matter, like it was a joke, but his eyes were still hard. It made the Commanders gut churn uneasily. This wasn’t right. Something was very wrong…

He just couldn’t figure out what.

The Commander refocused his eyes to look past the human – _why was it so hard to take his eyes off this Dean?_ – and growled out. “I won’t talk, human.”

“You just did, _angel_.” Dean stalked the perimeter of the holy fire, a restless spirit contained in a mortal body. The Commander scowled as he realized his attention had been caught once more.

“You are different,” the Commander said slowly. He squinted his eyes at Dean and stared piercingly hard. The human in front of him, all angry and… swirling brightness. “Why are you different?”

“Uh,  just a thought but maybe ‘cause I come from another universe, ya think?”

“No. No it’s more than that.” The Commander looked at Dean desperately, then schooled his face immediately. He must never let anyone see his true feelings on anything. He’d been punished too many times.

When he’d stayed quiet and impassive for several moments, Dean sighed.  “I have one simple question for you, buddy. Why?”

Startled, the Commander found his gaze dropping back on Dean. “Why… I don’t understand. Why what?”

“Why are you and the rest of you heavenly dicks so intent on razing the Earth to the ground?” Dean growled, fists clenching at his sides.

With a sigh and a quelling glance at Dean, Sammy broke in.  “In _our_ world, the angels’ jump started the Apocalypse after God went on Walkabout. Michael promised us that if we said yes, and his side won, we would have peace on the earth. A paradise come down from Heaven. We didn’t believe him – “

“Thank God for that,” Dean snorted.

“-and we fought the Apocalypse, staved it off. Here… No one held it back. The vessels said yes and Michael did what he promised, didn’t he? The war is over. So why? Why is he waging war on the humans your father asked you to protect?”

The Commander looked away, unable to bear the judgment in the eyes of these humans. Thoughts he’d tried to shove away before as he did as he was ordered floated up into his awareness and filled him with doubt as they had been doing all week.

The introspection, the long-held doubts he had… this would be the death of him, he was sure.

The humans were right. The angels had started everything. The Apocalypse and everything that came after. They’d brought ruination to the very creations their father had made – and yet… was it deserved? There were humans that were honest and pure while others were pure evil. But the vast majority had simply… muddled through, mixed up and in between. Maybe a few had deserved what had been brought down upon them… but _all_ of them?

 _Children. Babies. Why did they get punished for the transgressions of others?_ Inwardly he cringed, fear ratcheting up as the thoughts threatened to overtake him _. Stop these treasonous thoughts, you will be punished again._  The Commander was suffused with panic when a voice drifting through the silo door cut into it.

“Dean, the perimeter is secure -“ the owner of the voice, both foreign and yet not, halted and the Commander’s eyes snapped over to the source in confusion and horror.

“What devilry is this?” the Commander choked out. He stared at the angel before him. It wasn’t possible. What he was seeing wasn’t possible. He stared beyond the vessel at the broken wings and torn up Grace and _recognized_ the angel.

The angel stared back with surprised, blue eyes.

Dean barked out a laugh. “Oh ho ho! Cas, I don’t think he likes you.”

“Is that your name? Cas?” the Commander asked the trenchcoated figure, his eyes wide.

“I thought you weren’t talking to us?” Dean snapped.     

The other angel - Cas -  stepped forward, as familiar to the Commander’s sight as anything and yet, unfamiliar, alien. The same and yet… different. What had changed in that other world? Cas, put a hand on Dean’s shoulder and stepped between the two humans. Dean subsided and let Cas pass, a worried look suddenly gracing his features, his eyes glued to Cas.

“Do you know me?” Cas asked, head tilting at the Commander.

The Commander hesitated, then nodded.

“But you don’t know – “ Cas hesitated, a pause so brief the Commander doubted the humans he accompanied had noticed it – “my name?”

“No,” the Commander said, the word low and rough.

“But you _do_ recognize me, despite this vessel?” Cas persisted, stepping closer. Dean whined and his fingers twitched, the Commanders eyes being dragged temporarily toward the motion. This human… cared for Cas? For an _angel_? This didn’t make any sense.

Humans hated _all_ angels.

“You wear him strangely, but yes.” The Commander answered. The world had narrowed down to just him and Cas. “Why are you working with these humans?”

“Because, in the beginning, God commanded that we love the humans, to protect and guide them –“

The Commander shook his head. “Stop. I was there at the beginning. I recall the commandment quite well. That is not what I asked.”

“How many times have you been reprogrammed?” Cas’s words were low but clear.

“I’ve never-“ he faltered and looked out at Cas, feeling very much at sea.

Punished? Yes, many times. Reprogrammed? Surely not. Yet… there were gaps in his memories. And others that did not make sense. But who?

“Cas?” Dean’s voice was confused and concerned. He looked between Cas and the Commander with a narrowed, perplexed expression while Sammy simply stared, his mind obviously churning away at something.

The Commanders churned away too. None of his situation made sense. There were too many questions to be had.

Why had they not killed him? If they were rebels, they should have killed him outright. Humans couldn’t torture information out of angel. Yet… they had their own angel by their side. What they could and couldn’t do had changed.

The rules had changed.

Could that benefit the Commander? He barely dared to hope.

“I suspect too many. Tell me your name.” Cas demanded into the long silence.

The Commander stared helplessly at Cas. The other angel knew the Commander couldn’t answer. “I have none.”

Cas nodded, as if that confirmed something for him. The Commander could only guess what that was.

“What?” Sammy burst out. “Every angel, even the lowest cherub has a name, don’t they?”

Cas twisted without moving his feet to look back at Sammy and nod. “This is true, Sam.”

“Then he’s lying,” Dean snarled.

With horror, the Commander realized that Dean held an angel blade. His eyes snapped up form Deans hand to find that Sammy - Sam? - also held one. His eyes looked back at Cas to find him unconcerned of this development.

Cas didn’t care that humans had a weapon that could kill him. Trust like that… how did two humans and an angel gather trust like that? All their words, their body language, it intimated a trust greater than the Commander could imagine. It showed familiarity and… and friendship?

No, that couldn’t be. He must be seeing things, imagining what could not be there to explain the odd scene before him. _Angels don’t befriend humans,_ the Commander reminded himself, fighting the urge to shake his head to clear it. Such an action would do him no good.

“It was stripped of me,” the Commander volunteered. _Volunteered_. Him. An angel. Impervious to torture.

Or was he?

What had Michael done to him?

“I have no name,” the Commander continued, quietly. And oh, how that burned him. He wasn’t a nameless soldier. He commanded other angels. _Who had he been_? How had that been stripped of his own mind… unless punishment was only the least of what he’d endured…

“And what does Michael call you?” Cas asked him.

“Nothing. I am a mere soldier. To call me a name is to have earned my way back into his good graces, and I am far from doing that or I would not be here.” It wasn’t any of it a lie, and perhaps would show these otherworlders how useless he’d be for getting information from. He was not a confidant of Michael. He had no clue as to the inner workings or the plans the Archangel might have been making.

Resigned, the Commander opened his mouth, intent on asking for a quick death.

He knew by explaining his uselessness, he was signing his own death warrant. He didn’t care anymore. He just wanted it to be over. He was done with the fighting and the killing, the war of no good purpose. He was done. But the words that came out of his mouth was not what he expected.

“What is -" the Commander choked on the words. He didn't want to give himself away. Cas had to know but the rest of them... He didn’t want to speak it to mortal ears. Then again, if he were to die, what would it matter? " _What is your name_?" he demanded desperately. He knew that Cas was not his name, or the whole of his name. Angels didn’t have names like this. It didn’t fit.

But it did?

No, there had to be more to it. He _felt_ it deep within himself.

“Why do you need to know so badly?” Dean eyed him suspiciously.

The Commander could only gaze back helplessly.

"If you answer our questions, I’ll tell you." Cas promised.

The Commander stared at him, desperately hoping. To finally _know_ … maybe it would be worth it. He nodded curtly, glancing nervously about the room at Dean, Cas and Sam.

“This war. Why?” It was Sam who asked why, this time.

“Because it is right.” The Commander said with a confidence he did not feel, not in the slightest. Not anymore. _Had he ever?_

“Yeah, and who exactly told you that? On _whose_ words did you all decide to march your feathery asses down from Heaven and lay waste to all of God’s Creation?” Dean asked angrily.

Shifting uneasily, the Commander gave the only answer he had. “The highest.”

“You’re saying _God_ wants you to kill humans?” Sam asked incredulously. “I find that hard to believe.”

The Commander paused, the question hitting home too strongly.

No one other than Archangels had talked with God in – how long? He wasn’t sure. “I… have not heard it from God himself, but from Michael.”

“And you simply took his word for it?”

The Commander nodded uncertainly, looking between the three before him. “Why shouldn’t I? He is an Archangel, privy to our fathers’ words.”

“Oh yeah, like angels haven’t broken with God before,” Dean snorted.

“Lucifer was an aberration –“

“Yeah, buddy. We know. We know more than we’ve ever _wanted_ to know about Lucifer,” Sam interrupted. The Commander stared at the bone weary, haunted look that suffused Sam and yearned to soothe it.

He was crumbling. His doubts were holding sway. If Michael found him now, he’d be the Commander no longer, but a shadow left on the wall.

Just another dead, nameless angel.

“Did you really stop it? In your world?” the Commander asked in broken words. The trio were huddled together and talking softly, but the wards made it hard to access even enough of his power to enhance his senses.

Or maybe Cas was blocking him.

But at his words, they broke their huddle to stare at him. The humans’ faces were both looking a little less rigid, and the Commander nearly cringed at the pity he saw there instead.

In contrast, Cas’s face was filled with understanding and sympathy.

The Commander wasn’t sure that was any better.

“Yes, we did.” Cas answered.

“But… how do you stand up to an Archangel? To _God’s will_?” the Commander winced at the plaintive note in his voice.

“By saying no.” Dean growled. “This?” Dean gestured around him vaguely. “This isn’t God’s will. It’s his children getting mad that daddy left, so they’re breaking his toys to get him to come home. Well, it ain’t gonna work. God’s gone. Vamoose. Elvis has left the building.”

“We tossed Michael _and_ Lucifer into the cage,” Sam answered. “I won’t lie, it wasn’t without its risks, without its cost – which was significantly high for us – but it saved the world.”

“And you – you helped these humans?” the Commander turned back to ask Cas, his eyes wide.

“Yes. Dean and Sam, they’re family. And it was the _right_ thing to do,” Cas said softly.

No. No, no, no. No one stood up to an Archangel except another Archangel – or God, but where was he? Was Cas right? It couldn’t be. That was knowledge from another world. It didn’t necessarily correlate here, in his world.

Right?

He couldn’t be thinking this. This was a death sentence. There was no way he could –

“Can you do it again?” Once more the Commanders’ mouth betrayed him, but the second the words left his lips, they felt right.

 _He_ felt right for the first time in… in how long?

Since before he lost his name, he suspected.

“Can… will you help us?” The Commander pressed up as close as he could get without touching the flames that surrounded him.

“And why should we help you?” Dean growled again, the edge regaining a foothold in his voice, his features. “I saw you execute those humans on the bridge. The only reason you didn’t kill Charlie too was that me and Ketch stopped you!”

“Dean, calm down. We could use an ally here – “ Sam reached out to Dean but Dean shook him off. It did not seem to deter Sam. “And if he’s sincere –“

“No! No way he’s sincere! He’s a dick. Following Michael unquestioned-“

“Not unquestioned, I suspect.” Cas stepped forward once more, pushing up the sleeves of his tan overcoat. “But I’ll find out for sure and put an end to the speculation.”

The Commander hardly dared to breath as Cas stopped just outside the circle.

Dean lunged forward, grabbing his sleeve. "Whatever the hell you think you’re doing, don’t. Don't do this Cas, I swear to God - wherever _he_ fucked off to this time – that if I lose you again, I’m gonna find Billie and have her toss me into the Empty after you."

The Commander rocked back on his heels and hissed. "You have broken our most sacred law? You have fallen in love with a... a _human_ ? Tell me you have not _lain_ with him?"

Dean reeled back, mouth gaping. He looked between Cas and the Commander, his mouth working a few times before he got out a handful of worlds. "Wait, are you accusing us of… of _boning_?"

Faltering, the Commander looked between the two. “Are you not? The regard you have for each other is plain to see. The bond between you is blinding to look at. You… deny this?”

Sam snorted. “Listen, these two deny everything. You kinda get used to it.”

Dean spluttered, but his hand was still clamped on Cas’s arm. Cas turned to face Dean. “I’ll be fine, Dean.”

“You can’t _know_ that! We know nothing about him!” Dean threw out his other arm to point at the Commander and he bristled at Dean’s words. They shouldn’t hurt. They shouldn't –

But they did.

“Of all the angels we had to run across in this world, he is, in fact, one I know quite well. And, dare I say, so do you.” He paused and his voice gentled, implored. “Trust me, Dean.”

Dean and Cas stared into each other’s eyes for several, agonizingly long moments as the Commander awaited his fate. Finally, Dean nodded and reluctantly let go.

“Of course I trust you. I just don’t trust _him_.” Dean glared pointedly at the Commander.

The Commander swallowed involuntarily, something about that look rocking him to his core. What was it about this man that made him tremble in ways that Michael did not? It made no sense.

Cas approached the barrier again, giving Sam a sidelong glance. Sam nodded and broke the circle of Holy Fire, pouring water over the spot before Cas.

If he’d wanted to, the Commander could have used that small space to escape before they could even _think_ to try anything.

He found he didn’t want to.

Cas stepped inside the broken circle and into the Commanders space. Brown eyes met unfamiliar blue ones, but the Commander still recognized the angel before him. Despite the broken wings and scars that covered his true form, the Commander would always recognize _this_ angel.

They stared at each other, the Commander shifting uneasily but standing his ground.

Cas’s eyes were narrowed as he spoke. “Who were you bound here by?”

“Michael. For my failures.” There was no point in denying anything, not if the Commander wanted help.

Cas hummed and his eyes grew distant. The Commander shuddered, wondering what the other angel would see from his true form. Was he as broken as Cas was?

“Are you aware that your true form has also been bound?” Cas asked abruptly.

Startled, the Commander shook his head. “No – I – how would… _Michael?_ But how – _why_? Why would he limit my power? How effective am I as a soldier if I cannot access the full might of my Grace?”

“Because he feared you. Even as he needed you as a tactician. He stripped you of your name and your power to keep control of you,” Cas said calmly. As if he hadn’t just revealed that the Commanders worst fears had been confirmed – that Michael, their leader, put in a position of trust and authority, had abused and betrayed that trust.

It was a small step from there to finally and fully accept the doubts about the war on humans as being solely of Michaels invention and something that should have been stopped long ago.

The Commander felt shame flood his core.

Cas looked at him sympathetically.

“I have acted shamefully. I have done things… I have done… horrible things,” the Commander's voice cracked. “Help me right the wrongs?” he stared desperately at Cas. “Can you help me…” he trailed off, uncertain even of what he was asking. Everything was too muddled, too mixed up to parse into something as limiting as words.

“Of course, Castiel. I will help you remember who we are,” Cas – _Castiel! –_ said, his hand reaching out to touch the Commanders – no _, his_ name was Castiel! The simple utterance of those three syllables was a mighty revelation – forehead with two fingers.

Light blinded between them and Castiel was barely aware of the two humans shielding their eyes in response.

When the light cleared, Cas and Castiel stared at each other once more. Memories flooded Castiel as he stared at his other self. Cas stared back at him calmly and waited.

Castiel turned to look at Dean and Sam. They were both gaping at the angels. Mistrust and disbelief warred on their faces, though it was more pronounced on Dean.

In that split-second touch, Cas and Castiel had exchanged their histories. Castiel had _seen_ through Cas’s own eyes the rescue of the Righteous Man – the brilliance of his soul, the draw of it, now explained. The man Michael had claimed as a true vessel was washed out in comparison – and the aborted Apocalypse and all the things that had happened in between and even after. All the mistakes and regrets and hope.

And Cas had seen everything else in return as he carefully unbound the shackles that bound Castiel. With renewed vigor and purpose for the first time in Castiel wasn’t sure _how_ long, he drew himself to his tallest height and gave himself over to their cause.

“Tell me how I can help.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> feathers-and-cigarettes read this over for me and really liked the ideas behind it, and his favorite line being Sam's about "“Listen, these two deny everything. You kinda get used to it.”  
> I changed a few thins and added about 400 words more or so to help smooth out some of the confusion feathers thought there was and definitely thinks i could write more to this.
> 
> if i wasn't clear at the end. Cas throughout the story is OUR Cas, and Castiel - once he learns who he is - is AU!Cas. AU!Cas _does_ refer to Cas as Castiel ONCE (He interupts his own thoughts) but he quickly reverts to plain old Cas because he's thinking of himself by his full name now that he has it. he has no need of a nickname. he has no Dean to give him one. which, incidentally, should help keep which one is which more clear for us.
> 
> Anyway, wish me luck on a part 2! (i'm also working on a part 2 to to the Coda for last weeks...i've got a chunk written but that one won't be so easily wrapped up if i DO continue it, so it might take longer to figure out)
> 
> Also, i supposed I should remind folks I'm on tumblr too - i do fic recs, etc, etc... [Pherryts Corner](https://pherryt.tumblr.com/)


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